A shift in focus.

Life seems to be getting a little more real these days.

I survived the whirlwind that was Christmas and the New Year, and now the next big life event I have to "look forward to" is my surgery.

In eight days.

Eight.

Tomorrow, the countdown will show seven. One week.

And for literally a year, I have avoided this surgery; but, now that it's on the horizon, I simply can't wait. I have gone almost 12 years struggling to breathe, but now it seems like my breathing is the worst it has ever been and I can't bear one more minute.

It might be all in my head.

But maybe it's not.

Regardless, I read all the stories online and everyone says the same thing--they'd do it all again if they could. I will get better and better with each passing day. I will have a new lease on life. I will have a hard time understanding just what I have been missing out on.

I can't wait.

Each day, the kids ask me if we can do something new once my surgery is over and I am all healed up.

So far, the plan is to go skiing.

Ice skating.

Running with Luke and Thaddeus.

Having races up the stairs.

Singing more.

Tubing.

Riding bikes.

Every time something new comes up, they ask me, "Mom, can we do that after your surgery!?"

And then sometimes they ask the harder questions.

"Mom, what if you lose your voice forever?"

"Mom, will you still be able to sing us songs?"

I don't really have any answers to those questions, except to say that it could happen.

I like to say, "I might lose my voice. But your mommy will still have the same heart. And I will still love you and give you everything you need, even if it means we need to find a new way to speak to one another."

Ugh.

Please God let me continue to talk to my babies.

To sing to them.

To play with them.

To run with them.

To enjoy them.

To enjoy life with them.

I want this so desperately for myself.

For them.

They deserve a mom who can do more, and I would love to give that to them.

I am going to to update my blog as much as I can during my time in the hospital, so stay tuned. I may even write a time or two before then.

And I could use your prayers.

Please. Please, please, please pray for me. <3

And please. Please, please, please pray for my babies.




Comments

  1. Praying for you and your babies. I know you are in good hands and it will go beautifully! <3

    ReplyDelete

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