I feel great, thanks for asking.

I haven't been entirely truthful about the success of my tracheal resection.

Every time someone asks how I am feeling, I instantly respond that, "I am feeling great," or, "Incredible."

But the truth is, I am struggling a little bit.

The very first night I came home from the hospital, I was so dry that I spent pretty much the entire night feeling like I was hyperventilating. I could only get short breaths. I could not take a deep breath.

At around 4 or 5am, I stepped into a hot shower and just...sat there. I sat in that tub, with the water running over me, for a good 45 minutes until I finally felt like I could breathe again.

And then I slept.

And it's happened several times since then.

I have a lot of sleepless nights.

I wake up around 3am, unable to breathe perfectly, and it keeps me up for hours and hours at a time.

I am so tired.

I have been very diligent about staying hydrated, but it doesn't always help.

I drink over 100oz of water a day. I have humidifiers in every room. I am avoiding dairy. I am trying to eat an anti-inflammatory diet.

And yet some foods trigger this total dryness--something I never experienced before surgery, so I don't know why I am experiencing it now--that I can't seem to cure without a hot, steaming 45-minute shower. 

I am frustrated.

Sometimes I cry and ask Tom if I made a mistake going through with this surgery.

Of course I didn't.

The truth is, I feel great more often than I feel frustrated and, well, not great.

But I don't understand why every day can't be perfect. Why did I have to go through something so traumatic for what feels like a half-ass result!?!?

I was scheduled for a routine maintenance surgery tomorrow, but we have been getting dumped on and my doctor didn't want me to risk driving in the snow for a 5:30am check-in, over 100 miles away.

Thank you, doctor.

So my surgery is scheduled for Wednesday, instead.

I have addressed my concerns to him, and he does not seem phased one bit.

Apparently it's very common for people who have had this surgery to then get rapidly growing scar tissue at the surgery site--something that he can take care of easily, which is why he schedules these routine surgeries every two weeks after your resection.

I am just praying that I wake up from surgery and he tells me the answer to all of my problems--that he just needed to remove some tissue, and that it should be smooth sailing from here on out.

Because honestly, it's starting to get me down. 

I could use some prayers and positive vibes.

Luckily tonight, I really do feel great. I had a tough time breathing earlier today, but it seems to have passed. 

I am really hoping for a good night's sleep...